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journal

1.7.25

Today I went for a dusk run/hike up to fragrance lake. On the way down I stopped in the field of ferns and stood quietly, listening. I heard a faint rustling behind me and turned to see a deer grazing calmly amidst the ferns. As I watched, its partner emerged from the shadows, and looked towards me cautiously. It was dark and I was the last person on the trail. Sometimes the primordial connects with the present; darkness, forest, and the presence of souls other than your own human soul. Is this why animalistic religions are so predominant in the history of human existence? When faced with a being that is not you, is not one of you, that curiosity, that kinship and yet also the sense of alienness, two sides of the same coin, looking at each other across a space you cannot cross, but recognizing an ancient similarity….

Earlier in the day, on my way up, there was a shroud of mist descending upon the trees. The sound of running water, the cool lushness of the rainforest air, and the white, wispy mist made me feel as though I was in a fairy glen…

12.31.24

Oh me, Nirvana cover MTV unplugged live

I love meat puppets!
"I cant see the end of me
my whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity
and store it deep inside of me"

some of my favorite drives ever were during the sunlit afternoons and dawns of late summer, listening to the album II by meat puppets which I burned. at the time of burning it I didnt want to download all the individual songs as mp3s - I guess I was in a rush - so i just found the entire album and downloaded that single huge mp3 file (hot computer). So I couldnt skip any songs while listening to the CD, i would just listen to the whole thing straight through which was meditative and pleasant and a divergent experience than the usual.

12.28.24

Alan Watts thought exercise

12.26.24

The Mystic Vision of Hildegard von Bingen(parabola)
Hildegard of Bingen(wikipedia)
O Virtus Sapientiae

12.15.24

today a great thing happened. I remembered I have free all access to JSTOR. blessings

I am not goiung to fact check this but p sure the creator of reddit was arrested for hacking JSTOR and downloading the content of JSTOR to uppload free to the internet. they were going to give hime a life sentence so he killed himself but the theory is that the FBI or some other gov agency took him out. RIP a legend

12.11.24

In 2025 I would really like to live in a yurt

12.10.24

"If a hundred people sleep and dream, each of them will experience a different world in their dream.
Everyone's dream might be said to be true, but it would be meaningless to ascertain only one person's dream
was the true world and all the other were fallacies. There is truth for each
perciever according to the karmic patterns conditioning their perceptions."

"If the doors of perception were cleansed,
Everything would appear.... as it is, infinite."

12.9.24

I can literally just do whatever I want and put it on the internet

12.7.24

During the darkest hour of the night I was pulled into a deep and uncompromising sleep. I dreamt myself to be standing among the stars - below me they spun rapidly, the universe dancing amd twinkling cohesively at it's own speed, the speed of billions of light years. I recognized no constellations and had a sense I was very far from Earth. "We took your soul off the looms of the universe,". I turned to my left. An angel with four faces and wings of prismatic feathers sparkling like crystals, in it's hand, an enormous pillar of light. It transformed into a bird and carried me off. We flew into the gaps between ellipsing stars, where there was only darkness.

8.12.24

saw this symbol drawn on the ground, drawn with chalk, while I was out with F today.

link

8.7.24

"every subatomic interaction consists of the annhilation of the original particles and the creation of new subatomic particles.
The subatomic world is a continual dance of creation and annhilation, of mass changing into energy and energy changing into mass.
Transient forms sparkle in and out of existence, creating a never-ending, forever newly created reality."
Gary Zukav

"energy (and momentum as well) is the ultimate convertible currency. E = mc^2 tells us that energy can be turned into matter and vice versa. Thus if an energy fluctuation is big enough, it can momemtairly cause, for instance, an elecrtron and it's antimatter companion - the positron - to erupt into existence, even if the region was initally empty. Since the energy must be quickly repaid, these particles will annhilate one another after an instant, relinquishing the energy borrowed in their creation. And the same is true for all the other forms that energy and momentum can take - other paticle eruptions and annhilations, wild electromagnetic-field oscillations, weak and strong force-field flucatuations - quantum-mechanical uncertainty tells us the universe is a teeming, chaotic, frenzied arena on microscopic scales. As Feynman once jested, 'created and annhilated, created and annhilateed - what a waste of time.' Since borrowing and repaying on average cancel each other out, an empty region of space looks calm and placid when examined with all but microscopic precision. The uncertainity principle, however, reveals that macroscopic averaging obscures a wealth of microscopic activity....this frenzy is the obstacle to merging general relativity and quantum mechanics."
Brian Greene

link.